Yup

My love is scared to death, out of breath, yet I know it must carry on.
A new sun shines upon my mind, yet my heart it still beats strong
Knowing the past, the future unknown, inside my head this song.
I'll carry her into the future, my love it must go on
I see her now and then and talk a little, her a mystery to me, every word a riddle
Yet new days start, words can be shared, start on a new world of thought
so it seems time goes on without my prodding, yet I wake in the dark with her there.
I wish sometimes you could erase the magic, take it out of thoughts and dreams
When she is in my mind and dreams, I seem so empty now.
so today I start afresh, a new days dawn, my heart it will carry on.
Scared to death, out of breath, yet I know this is how it must belong.

Today

"I've dreamt in my life dreams that have changed my ideas: They've gone through me... Like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind" Emily Bronte

I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons

Finally content with a past I regret

I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness

For once I’m at peace with myself

I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces

Each one is different but they’re always the same

They mean no harm but it’s time that I face it

They’ll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong

I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on

At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know, there’s no guarentee’s, but I’m not alone

There comes a time in everyone’s life

When all you can see are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind that those days, are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t

Stopped to fill up on my way out of town

I’ve loved like I should but lived likeI shouldn’t

I had to lose everything to find out

Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road

I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on

Stress

Stress is driving me mad I say, Mad. When it is pouring rain, and I am out working in lightning, I just shiver and feel the tension in me crackle, I just wanna curl up in a ball sometimes, I take a second, close my eye's and say a little prayer, thank God for the day, and breathe for a moment, I try to relax, but sometimes it is just too much. If not for my writing every morning, and the ryhmes I play in my head, I think I would go nuts. You would think my boss would get tired of belittling me, and get some work done, but it seems that he has a problem with my ability to deal with large projects, and needs to try a nd make me crack, he yells a t me and calls me names for hours on end, trying, to get a reaction out of me, trying to get me to yell at him, so he can pick on my Christianity, but I will not let him win, already he has yelled at me 9 hours this week, and although it takes all the patience I have, I let him do it, ujust keep working as he follows me along calling me a retard or an incompetant, or many other words I will not write. It sure makes the day crawl, I wish he would just go away. Sorr to whine, off to bed I go, try to drift off to hay fields and long hair blowing in the breeze, the gentle holding of hands, My mind is a beautiful theatre to produce such plays.

Well,Well

It seems no matter how much I write, I can't seem to post anything, it is like I have decided my thoughts are personal, and should be kept. yet I think them just the same.

They said I would get over you, Overtime
They said you would drift away
they said I would for get you,
get you off my mind
yet it seems I want to know you more.
I tried so mant things to make you, go away,
I tried walking, reading, running, drawing, yet
there you were, my mind you see, you are on my mind
even though I even tried some overtime
so tired i am, now I am not thinking
just letting my thoughts run wild and free,
my heart is open and mind tired yet you are there
I swear I can even see you standing there.
Overtime, you will not go away
Overtime, more tired I can't be
Overtime, you haunt my every moment
Overtime, just time would pass away

New Day

Watching the sun come up on this new day, the clouds reflect the beauty of the water around me. Waves breaking on the breeze, small whitecaps across the water, gentle surf sounds, the rythm of the wind lapping at my feet, the fine sand blows across my paper like my thoughts scattered about my life do fall on this notebook. Her eye's haunt me, her smile floats my dreams like she floats across the earth when she walks. Eye's open or shut, I see her often, just being near her seems to keep me awake for days, so avoiding eye contact seems to keep me sane.

Later in the day, I am scratching at the ground, shaping what will be a new railroad track. As I head for a more wooded area, needing to be cleared, I see in a lovely clearing, a single apple tree, filled with blossoms, so beautiful, the petals falling in the breeze. As I near this lovely place, I realize, the tree is right where the new spur needs to go, so with much apprehension, I drove my D8 right up to this beautiful tree and pushed it over, tearing it out by the roots, and pushing it over, the petals slowly floated into my cab, and a few landed on me, I wish I could give them to someone special, but alas, I don't believe anyone would want any flowers from me, so this beautiful place destroyed and the only ones who now know of it are you and I...

Hilltop wanderings

I stand atop this hill, surveying another man's dreams, looking around at the grass, and the earth down below, I find the more I do with my present, The further my future moves away, not just tomorrow, but dreams saved for another day. Giving so little time to the present, it goes on whether there at all, time spins on unknowing, given rewards to those who save today. I wish in my heart my dreams were more certain, what I truly want so far from my grasp, so distant to dream, so darest i to dream such a thing, to think on such matters, or do I let it come what may, living on this day as it comes, here and there, little bits of me shine through, We shall I say, We shall see...

Another Day

Censureship of the mind is perhaps the worst kind, Being told what to think, what to write, what to post, what to like, what to feel, and even how to feel. The next logical step is a 1984 like, communist thought control. When you feel, FEEL!!!, let you feelings be known, it is OK to feel, to write, to live, and to love. As a good moral person and openly thinking correctly, your thoughts being okay when put through the moral filter we all have. Living and loving with a Christian heart, good and moral intentions in all things.

Hard day at work,

What a nice day, Beautiful out, and I worked so hard, I can hardly move, Hammering steel pins into granite all day, it was exhausting, may arms are like jelly, and my hands are still shaking and they hurt somethings awful, it is great, just pure work, very little thinking, I was setting the pins by GPS co-ordinates, so i only had to program 3 numbers that had 11 digits in them them hammer away, like ten minutes each pin. I spent most of the day on my knees swinging a hammer, it was great, I broke 2 hammers, one broke and I hit myself in the face with the head when it came apart. it is still numb, but it is not puffy, so I am sure it can't hurt my wonderphysicue anyway. I hope all is well, and I am looking forward to bible study tomorrow night. Jim

Court today

yeah, I had court today, and I kind of won, but kind of lost, so I think they will sue me for something else anyway, but the case today got dismissed. I wrote the most beautiful and flowing song I have ever written today, I started working on it in Osseo this morning, and it took me almost 3 hours to get done"long for me" and it was really nice, for some reason, after having dinner with a friend, I threw it out the window, I just let it go in Eau Claire, maybe someone else will pick it up, maybe not.


It used to be that just my heart could bring a smile to your face,
when just a look from you was all it took to put me in my place,
of all the thing you wanted in life, you never wanted control
so girl I'm here to tell you tonight, I am letting go
Letting go, of all the tears I cry, the pain inside myhead
letting go, the time I lost, at such a cost the past is too much pain
Letting go, OOhhh letting go.

That is all you will get, and that is not even in the right order, so maybe if you ever hear it on the radio, you will know where it came from.