Why is it?

You know, When I was little, we didn't have a lot, and we didn't know because nobody else really had a lot either. I remember having strep throat when I was in first grade, and it hurt so bad I could hardly swallow. My mom offered me an old York peppermint patty that she had in her purse. As soon as it hit my mouth the pain was numbed for awhile. When I told my mom this, she loaded me up and took me to town. She bought me one of those big patties and told me to chew a bite off whenever it hurt really bad. I made that thing last for days, and I really appreciated what she did.

I see now that when you don't have much, and you get a little something special, it really means a lot. When you have a little, and you do give something big. I guess it seems like a little.

SOOOO Looooooooong

I am amazed it has been 4 whole years since I have used my mind for anything other than work. I just read some of my old post's, and they aren't allll garbage. I really do miss writing. I miss having the time to look at nature and think of how to describe the sight and sounds of the moment. My oldest daughter writes alot. I wonder what she would think of my old blogs? What I really miss is my friends. People who know me and accept me for who I am. People who I can discuss anything with at any time. Too Long. Back to work, I see my paperwork calling for me, "Jim, Jim, Jim, Document everything, Write it down and make a note of the note. And keep a saved copy for your records because they will lose theirs and ask you later" Goodbye all. I hope not all my friends have moved on.

Yup

My love is scared to death, out of breath, yet I know it must carry on.
A new sun shines upon my mind, yet my heart it still beats strong
Knowing the past, the future unknown, inside my head this song.
I'll carry her into the future, my love it must go on
I see her now and then and talk a little, her a mystery to me, every word a riddle
Yet new days start, words can be shared, start on a new world of thought
so it seems time goes on without my prodding, yet I wake in the dark with her there.
I wish sometimes you could erase the magic, take it out of thoughts and dreams
When she is in my mind and dreams, I seem so empty now.
so today I start afresh, a new days dawn, my heart it will carry on.
Scared to death, out of breath, yet I know this is how it must belong.

Today

"I've dreamt in my life dreams that have changed my ideas: They've gone through me... Like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind" Emily Bronte

I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons

Finally content with a past I regret

I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness

For once I’m at peace with myself

I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces

Each one is different but they’re always the same

They mean no harm but it’s time that I face it

They’ll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong

I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on

At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know, there’s no guarentee’s, but I’m not alone

There comes a time in everyone’s life

When all you can see are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind that those days, are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t

Stopped to fill up on my way out of town

I’ve loved like I should but lived likeI shouldn’t

I had to lose everything to find out

Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road

I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on

Stress

Stress is driving me mad I say, Mad. When it is pouring rain, and I am out working in lightning, I just shiver and feel the tension in me crackle, I just wanna curl up in a ball sometimes, I take a second, close my eye's and say a little prayer, thank God for the day, and breathe for a moment, I try to relax, but sometimes it is just too much. If not for my writing every morning, and the ryhmes I play in my head, I think I would go nuts. You would think my boss would get tired of belittling me, and get some work done, but it seems that he has a problem with my ability to deal with large projects, and needs to try a nd make me crack, he yells a t me and calls me names for hours on end, trying, to get a reaction out of me, trying to get me to yell at him, so he can pick on my Christianity, but I will not let him win, already he has yelled at me 9 hours this week, and although it takes all the patience I have, I let him do it, ujust keep working as he follows me along calling me a retard or an incompetant, or many other words I will not write. It sure makes the day crawl, I wish he would just go away. Sorr to whine, off to bed I go, try to drift off to hay fields and long hair blowing in the breeze, the gentle holding of hands, My mind is a beautiful theatre to produce such plays.

Well,Well

It seems no matter how much I write, I can't seem to post anything, it is like I have decided my thoughts are personal, and should be kept. yet I think them just the same.

They said I would get over you, Overtime
They said you would drift away
they said I would for get you,
get you off my mind
yet it seems I want to know you more.
I tried so mant things to make you, go away,
I tried walking, reading, running, drawing, yet
there you were, my mind you see, you are on my mind
even though I even tried some overtime
so tired i am, now I am not thinking
just letting my thoughts run wild and free,
my heart is open and mind tired yet you are there
I swear I can even see you standing there.
Overtime, you will not go away
Overtime, more tired I can't be
Overtime, you haunt my every moment
Overtime, just time would pass away

New Day

Watching the sun come up on this new day, the clouds reflect the beauty of the water around me. Waves breaking on the breeze, small whitecaps across the water, gentle surf sounds, the rythm of the wind lapping at my feet, the fine sand blows across my paper like my thoughts scattered about my life do fall on this notebook. Her eye's haunt me, her smile floats my dreams like she floats across the earth when she walks. Eye's open or shut, I see her often, just being near her seems to keep me awake for days, so avoiding eye contact seems to keep me sane.

Later in the day, I am scratching at the ground, shaping what will be a new railroad track. As I head for a more wooded area, needing to be cleared, I see in a lovely clearing, a single apple tree, filled with blossoms, so beautiful, the petals falling in the breeze. As I near this lovely place, I realize, the tree is right where the new spur needs to go, so with much apprehension, I drove my D8 right up to this beautiful tree and pushed it over, tearing it out by the roots, and pushing it over, the petals slowly floated into my cab, and a few landed on me, I wish I could give them to someone special, but alas, I don't believe anyone would want any flowers from me, so this beautiful place destroyed and the only ones who now know of it are you and I...